Eat Me

Opened up the folks fridge, and they had some leftovers conveniently marked. I could eat this:

and this one:

But then I saw THIS:

I didn't know what it was, I have never wanted to eat anything any more then this is my life.

Okay, second most, but that other box was still really tempting.

King of the Hill random caps

Plowbeast, Yoked No More

Yoked Plowbeast was a creature from Naya in the Shard of Alara expansion. For whatever reason, the Magic forums latched onto it, and made it a bit of a running joke. There was talk about it being over-powered of course, and I myself made a pretty fun standard deck called Yoked Pimpbeast, which was the Plowbeast and the cards with the hottest girls in green and white. I also made the below, a mock planeswalker card. I just stumbled onto it in my folder a few minutes ago and thought I'd share.

Other Milf

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Awesome Columbo Endings: Suitable for Framing

Been watching a lot of Columbo lately, and man do his movies entertain. In Suitable for Framing, from season one, an art critic kills his collector uncle and tries to frame his aunt with two stolen paintings, and midway threw the episode Columbo had reached into the killers art bag, which we surmised contained something. It'd come into play later on, after the paintings are discovered in the aunt's home... 

you...youre looking for your own prints

i touched it earlier remember

you touched it right now

nope

...

I'm being hunted by a predator because of Sara Jay

The facts:

- Predators hunt the most dangerous things they can, searching for the most impressive prey they can.

- Man has, when the pinnacle of our species, the ability to defeat a predator.

- Once after a convention Sara Jay fed me cotton candy

Thus, being the ultimate man I am in fact the ultimate prey.

At work these past few days I've heard the clicking noise, so I know there's a predator waiting for me to let my guard down but probably too afraid to try me straight up. He knows that like the Undertaker, I'd make him famous. I did think it was kind of weird for a Predator to be at Wal-Mart bugging me, and nobody else seems to hear it, but I guess that just shows how attuned to badassery I am.Which means at this point its a waiting game, to see if its him (them?) or me that makes the first mistake. And while we're waiting, Sara Jay;

66 Space Princesses

Here are a few sketch pages from an Adam Strange-inspired story of mine that never took off. The art is by Ryan Butcher, who seems to have moved on from comics in the time since they were done. We collaborated on a few different things, including the short lived webcomic Sexy Asian Pizza which i'll talk about more another time. 

Stylin & Profile'n, tonight, on SICK SAD WORLD

I don't even recall where or how I found this, but yes that the Nature Boy Ric Flair about to take Daria and Jane for a ride on Space Mountain. Huh.

"Goblin Grenade doesn't work with non-goblins, and you have no goblins"

Heads up to everyone offering deck-building advice; its tech to know what cards in a decklist do before claiming they don't work. If only my deck had SOME way of making goblins...

White-Matters Knights

This deck was originally x4 Northern/Southern/Pentarch/Paladin en-Vec, but it wasn't too  good. The flavour was wonderful, as they were excellent colour hosers, but if I didn't get them out early i was easily over-whelmed. Expanding on the them to include more knights I broke down and let in the non-paladins, but excellent red and black hatred in White/Silver Knight. All of the spells also have a very pro-white slant, and while the deck is hurt some by it in certain match-ups the trade off for how it feels is more then worth it.

x4 White Knight
x4 Silver Knight
x4 Paladin en-Vec
x2 Northern Paladin
x2 Southern Paladin
x3 Pentarch Paladin
x1 Lightwielder Paladin
==
x3 Light from Within
x4 Sunlance
x1 Armored Ascension
x2 Mass Calcify
x3 Marble Diamond
x3 Inheritance
==
x23 Plains
x1 Emeria, the Sky Ruin

The Correct Answer is "No"

The question ranges, from "Can I take you out on a date" or "Would you like to go out sometime", ect ect. Now obviously, the answer can be yes I'm not saying that, but if you don't want to go out with the other person, say no. I'm directing this mostly at women, but I'm sure there's a lot of guys that do this shit too, but I'm less familiar with asking them out. Its just so incredibly frustrating to get hit with anything other then a definite answer. Either you want to go on a date, or you do not. If you're not sure if you like the guy and want to wait, you say no. There, all done. Then if you do decide you do, tell him since you already know he's interested. If your answer remains no, then its extra done. Simple! I'm reminded of this because a guy I know asked out a girl. It went like this:

"Do you wanna go out?"
"...as friends".

You know damn well thats not what he meant, and he doesn't want to hear that.You tell him no. No I do not want to go out with you. I've heard girls say they don't like to be blunt because it could hurt someones feelings, but that kind of answer is rejection plus adding pity and being insulting. Guys just want a simple answer that leaves no wiggle room. We want yes or no. Its better for everyone, honest. Gaah.

Foley Artist

Excellent shirt and hat combo from Frank.

"nice RACKdos"

A lovely friend of mine was recently getting her hair done, and was adding red streaks to her black hair. Naturally, the first thing a man's mind does is think of Magic the Gathering combinations, so I asked her if i could snap a few shots and make some lame jokes. Hope you like Magic or they're EXTRA lame, lol

Thanks doll! 

"Hellbenting you over to have at it"

"Your gonna make my new favourite card be Rakdos the Defileher"

"I know with Hellbent I''m supposed to empty my hand, but it keeps getting refilled by my penis" 

My Mass Effect 2 Ending

'Twas a dark day in the universe, and nary but a few brave souls faced the Collectors and survived. The games was Mass Effect 2, and here's what happened;

The Collector's had kidnapped my crew. MY CREW. Fuck that. My Commander Shepard was an engineer, the class scientifically designed to be the most bad ass because he shot fireballs and used a pistol. He was fair, but not a true paragon because of my pension to lose my shit and decide "everybody dies". Well, kidnapping my crew is a sure as shit way to do that. My Shepard was amazing, and about half my battles ended up with me pistol whipping bigger enemies into submission. I don't play FPS, I refuse to live by thier rules of ducking, covering, and suppressive fire. I had my ship weapons upgraded, but not my shields. I had no love interest, because I was to busy saving the fucking human race (although I would have banged Tali if I knew I could in this game). But what was I supposed to do, go around scanning for minerals while everyone was murdered? No way, they attacked me, DISRESPECTED me, and they were going down.

I took heavy fire from the Collector ship after making the jump. Legion was killed. He had just joined me, but he was a robot so he was cool. Next was Jack. Without the shielding she didn't survive the heavy fire. I had  a friend over at the time, who had played it safe and was completely prepared, and he remarked that he now had no clue how my game was going to end since I had lost two key players. But I knew. It was going to end with me killing everyone that stood in my way.

Because of my gun upgrades, the enemy ship was destroyed. We landed and I got ready to deliver some personal payback. We had to split into two teams, and I wanted Garrus with me, since he was almost as badass as I was, and because I had a special affinity for the survivors from my first game. Garrus or Tali went with me on every mission. But now it was time for Tali to go into the vents and do some of her special magic, so I placed Miranda in charge of the second team. Thane's loyalty mission was lost when I tried to get ahead of his son, and Samara's was after I was too brutal with her daughter. Miranda was loyal to me, and made the best choice to lead. Or so I though.

Tali was shot in the head.

I was stunned. And pissed. It turns out that by siding against her in an argument, Miranda had STOPPED being loyal to me. Thats all it took to lose her trust, and I'm still angry at how petty that character was. When we reached the crew - its survivors - they had to try and get back to the ship on their own. They did not. I had lost three of my party (I didn't have the dl guy) and three more weren't loyal. More casualties awaited, and I cursed that two of my loyal members had died so early.

I needed someone to create a shield around me. With the loyal Jack gone and only Miranda and Samara left, I went with the Justicar in hopes her natural strength would protect my remaining crew. I chose Garrus for my team once more, and we pressed on. Samara's shield held up, but not long enough. Garrus was carried away, and my Shepard lost all reason to live, save revenge. Before playing ME 2 I had to replay the first game (saved my first half play-threw on a different machine) and Garrus had really grown on me. Losing him, and Tali, broke my little gaming heart. The other characters were great, but for my Shepard, those two would have been like family.

I left the others to hold the gate. I was going on to end this with the Collector's, and I chose my two comrades. Grunt was young but strong like Wrex, and had the same lust of destruction I was feeling. Prof. Solus was my favourite of the newest cast; I loved his mannerisms and his ability to be ruthless without being cruel. These were the men I was to meet my fate with. At this point Brian told me that even though he was happy he saved everyone that he was jealous. In my game, anything could happen, and it all felt like a true epic.

What a battle it turned out to be. Grunt went forth bashing his way threw enemy after enemy, and Solus took a defiant stance ATOP cover and started mowing down the drones. I hadn't seen a character do that all game, and for him to do it know at the climax was awesome. At the end Grunt went sliding down into the abyss, only to be saved at the very last second. I was completely sure I was going to lose him too. In the aftermath, Miranda was killed, but the Collector's base was saved. I heard the final game should be out next year, and me and my men will be ready.

A gay musical. Called Gay. Thats quite gay.

The IT Crowd certainly has its moments.

Hannah Montana: The Movie Review pt. 2

Miley is back at her grandmother's house, a woman she hasn't visited in years. "She" gives grandma an Elvis plate to go on her wall of celebrity hicks.

What follows is actually some classic slapstick fun, with the plates falling and Billy Ray Cyrus' mad dash to save them. I was genuinely impressed with it, and it ends perfectly. Its not the smartest humour, but it is rather timeless. Rascal Flatts is friends with Miley's grandma, playing... a band that sings like Rascal Flatts. I actually saw them in concert, along with the gorgeous Taylor Swift, who makes a cameo later. While this is going on Miley and her grandma chat, and the next day she tries to pretend everything good and she's happy with her Miley life. Some farming related pratfalls and Billy Ray Cyrus has another funny line. He's the real secret super-star here. He goes out to work on the truck, and finds Jan from the Office welding...something under the hood. My buddy watching, who's a bit of an automotive aficionado, started to rant and think up reasons for it, but was mostly exasperated. then its a nonsense scene, where Jackson is working at an animal show, and gets is butt bitten off. Its a harmless, fun diversion.

Miley and her grandma get into a confrontation - as much as exists in this universe - and then there's hijinks with the paparatzzo chap thats followed her to town. He ends up being diverted to the middle of nowhere, where he prepares to kill a Predator.

Travis catches Miley singing, says her music has no soul or personality, they bond over building a chicken coup, and then its time for a fundraiser to sound town. Miley's dad sings, and then Taylor Swift is here. When I saw her in concert she gave me the eye, totally true story. Still, its no use, even after Miley sings, the town doesn't have enough money and the corporate goons are going to take over. Then Travis says Miley could get her friend Hannah Montana to come help. I suspect tomfoolery next time in the conclusion!!

Hannah Montana: The Movie Review pt. 1

I don't know much about Hannah Montana, or Miley Cyrus in general. I know she's very popular with young girls, and that if you're old enough to be reading this blog then you're probably to old to be looking down her blouse hoping for a nipple slip. 

What did I just say to you, perv??

It starts off with a concert starring Hannah, Miley's super-secret alter-ego. As a fan of comic books I enjoy this ridiculous pretense, because it gives me the chance to geek out. When one girl I was watching this with foolishly made the mistake of saying it was like Superman just being Clark Kent without glasses, I got to explain at her (not to, she didn't deserve that) that Clark is always about two inches shorter the Superman due to his posture, his voice is different, and there's a long history of Clark being photographed with Superman. Stupid girls don't know anything about comics!  

As the film continues, we see the less popular Miley, engaging in high school girl tomfoolery like being bad at sports and making promises she can't keep. Vanessa Williams is her publicist, and she pulls her out of school to go shopping. And wow, Vanessa's age has finally caught up to her. I'd still fuck her - cause she's black - but she's nowhere near peaking. Her job seems to be to turn Hannah into a bitch, because she has her blowing off her friends to go get in catfights with Tyra Banks. Not that I'm against that - cause she's black. 

She also misses her brother Jackson leaving for college; which is a real shame because Jackson is a link in the tradition of awesome big brothers from Disney Channel, like Even Steven's Donnie and Justin Russo from The Wizards of Waverly Place. I'm introduced to Jackson as a loud hick who falls out of a truck window, and thats all I need to be a fan. 

Miley is running late for her friend Lilly's 16th birthday party, when she realizes she's being stalked by a paparazzo. In a poor choice of choosing, she chooses to crash the party as Hannah, keeping her identity but upstaging her friend. Also this haircut is there, and he blows up a cake. 

Lilly is pretty pissed, and says something to the paparazzo about where she was really from. Thats cold. Billy Ray Cyrus is here, and he's actually the second best character in the movie. He's a fairly regular dad, but a bit of a straight man and it works with things being kind of goofy elsewhere. Plus the guy gets way to much chit over 'Achy Breaky Heart', when any real music fan knows 'Coulda Been Me' was the best song on that cassette. He lays down some law, and when Miley acts like a bitch he tricks her into going to Tennessee instead of going to NY for an award show. 

She of course is not pleased, ect ect until she meets semi-hunk Travis Brody, who's got a nice midwest charm but a seemingly under-developed body. I'm not hating, he just seems to skinny for his frame and voice, and if he bulked up it couldn't hurt him in any way. 

He insults her a little, then implies she's "gone California". Its nice the way places hate other places for no good reason. Fuck New York. I'm going to leave of here for now, but when we pick up Miley tries to go native, some dumb chick welds an engine, and Jackson gets eaten by an alligator. Until then! 

"My Ring's Outside"

I have to admit; Rocky V is awesome. I really, really enjoyed it. A buddy of mine and me sat down and screened all the Rocky flicks, and we were dreading V, which even Sly hates. But it really isn't that bad. Nothing perfect, but I had a good time. Of course, the best part is tommy confronting Rocky right after his championship win, where the crowd in Philly doesn't care and still loves their former hero. It leads to a street fight, which gets kicked off when Tommy punches Paulie. For those keeping count, Paulie has now picked  a fight with THREE world champions (also Rocky and Creed in part III).

I can't find the whole fight in english, but the above clip did have the  best line of the fight  - the second best being the line in the title. I think rocky V is unfairly dismissed, and if Rocky Balboa wasn't ever made I still would have been happy with it as an ending. 

Bulbasaur is the best Pokemon

When I was playing Pokemon Blue for the first time, I had him leveled up to Venasaur, maybe 60 something. My next highest was a level 36 Pigeot. But we still overcame the odds and beat the Elite 4 and my rival, because we were best friends! I love you Bulbasaur.

Allosaurus is a dick

Seriously, in The Lost world (1925) all he does is show up and try to fight EVERYTHING. Such a douche. 

Vote for Jillian because she's Britney, bitch.

I don't recall how this all got started, but one day Jillian Hall just started to sing. And it was terrible. And wonderful. Here's her from Halloween 08's costume contest, and then singing a song live for us!

I saw Predators

It was okay. Nothing special, and I like any movie that has foreman in it. The original movie is still the best of the bunch, and rewatching that made me think of the awesomely inappropriate for children toy line. This is one I had, Spiked Tail Predator:

On the box, is that 4 and up? Awesome for a rated R movie character. Random childhood memory; ever play Predator with your friends? Me and my cousins did, terrible boring game where the soldiers die fucking instantly while who evers the Pred just claims to be fine.

Magic Monkey Sex

The 'joke' set Unhinged brought some much needed closure to this card printed in Visions. 

The greatest Kurt Russell movie they never made

Battletanx. Badass Griffen Spade lives threw a plauge that wipes out almost the enitre population of women on earth. His fiancee, Madison, is one of the few survivors. But she's stolen away from him by the United States government. Whats worse, the warring over the remaining woman is in high gear, and the world has ben scorched by nukes. It's up to Griffen to climb into a tank, and kick ass from coast to coast in order to get the love of his life back.

Eat your heart out Brian K. Vaughn. Yorick didn't have a fucking tank.

During the course of Spade's crosscountry vengeance-palooza, he runs into other gangs of battle-ready survivors, with thier own tanks. The Nuclear Knights, the Skull Riders, the Aftershocks, the Psycho Brigade, the Mech Mechanics...its like the beautiful child of the Warriors and Mad Max. Besides the tanks, the groups usually have thier own women too. But not for long, since Griffen decides to take them too. Fuck yeah!   His journey finally ends in California, where he blasts the government all the way back to when this actually could have been a movie and finally is reunited with his love. One day, I hope to find the kind of love that fuels me to cut a path of devestaion across the country. But for now its a dream, and I only have my memories of my time as Spade, and of the Nintendo 64.

Lotioning...oiling. Oiling...lotioning. Smiling...smiling...

"I CAN'T TAKE THIS NO MORE!!"