R.I.P. Tony Curtis

He passed on September 30th at the age of 85. While Tony had a long and successful career, he will always be remembered to me as Josephine and Junior from the timeless 'Some Like it Hot'.

Are you a good enough dentist to pull out your own tooth?

Looney Tunes Back in Action

I've been into Golden Age cartoons a lot lately, watching a lot of Looney Tunes and Tom & Jerry, and reading about the characters and their creation. While reading the history of Porky Pig I found out that WB was picketed  by the National Stuttering Project for the example being set, and that he was in the Back in Action movie complaining about how hard it was for him to be pc (along with sometimes pariah Speedy Gonzales). Well, based on that alone I had to see this flick.

Overall, I was pretty happy with it! Its a funny movie with some great character moments, and its full of Warner history and cameos and call-backs. Like Scooby and Shaggy threatening Matthew Lillard to do a better job playing Shaggy in the next movie.

And Daleks, because Steve Martin lobbied for them! This whole scene is FULL of classic aliens.

The cast is good, with the already mentioned Steve Martin, and small or bit parts by Timothy Dalton, Peter Graves, and Ron Pearlmen. The one to catch my eye was Heather Locklear as a sexy assassin, sexily dancing with truly creepy/awesome live-action Yosemite Sams. 

There's a lot to like here if you're a Looney Tunes fan, and I suggest you check it out. Its got enough slapstick for kids and enough homages and gags that any adult would enjoy it too. And while I didn't talk about him much, this is really Daffy's movie, and he gets more time then any other toon. As a Daffy fan, I really appriciated that!

I know i just posted a picture of  Locklear and used sexy in the sentence twice, but I can't resist posting an image of the REAL sex appeal from this movie:

Th-th-th-thats all folks.

I don't think I'm ever finishing my HM review

Here's some captures I have

Bambi Blueyes and scary movies

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3 reasons to say "Fuck Jurassic Park 3"

I didn't even take screencaps, thats how little I respect this movie.

- How did a Spinesaurus swallow a damn phone, but its clearly audible from hundreds of feet away while inside of it, yet the giant damn dinosaur can stealth up on the people without them noticing??

- Raptors are not that damn smart! They injure a human knowing he'll cry out for others? What!? They didn't do that the LAST TIME people were there, how'd they learn that people fall for that? Predators use that shit, and they're supposedly the deadliest hunters in the galaxy. But a raptor does? Why!? Its stupid, stop making raptors the Mary Sues of the ancient world!!

- Such a bad movie just two reasons are enough to hate it!

'American Tail' ending slays my cynicism

Probably just temporarily. But still awwwwwww, Fievel and his parents come together again yay!!

What the fuck Fievel!?

So I'm watching An American Tale for the first time since I was skirting turning into a teenager, and I'm getting nothing but pissed off. All the cute, rebellious antics Fievel did in the movie that were funny as a kid are making me angry as an adult. The kid has no respect for rules or his own life, charges off to do whatever he wants, and even acts flat out devious to get his way. During a thunderstorm at sea, he wants to see fish so he throws his hat out onto the deck so he can ignore his father and yell "I have to get my hat" as an excuse to go exploring. That wasn't the smartest idea kid.

I know by the end of the movie I'll be happy to see them reunite, because I do like happy ending and this movie, but 20 minutes in I'm glad I don't have an precocious kids of my own.

Micro-Digital Waker

From the very loosely connected 'sequel' to The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Shock Treatment, comes todays song. The movie is...interesting. I've only seen it once, and was very much not sure what to expect. 

G.I. Joe the Movie has the best opening EVER

It opens with a giant airship deploying dozens of Cobra Paratroopers onto the Statue of Liberty. Very cool way to start off, and the theme music? Fucking amazing.

Then, a cobra ship is shot down...but Duke with the hugest fucking gun in GI Joe history. He's also wearing a jetpack, which makes it cooler. 

Holy shit, a Cobra version of a Star Destroyer!!

The best sequence in the opening: Snake Eyes leaps up from nowhere, spins this ship sending the pilot falling to his death, slides in and flies it away. Literally, he just jumps from off-screen 'cause he's a ninja. 

I don't even remember what this Joe's name is, but he's got huge balls. He's on the Statue, grappling hooks onto a plane, smashes the cockpit, explodes it, then grappling hooks to another ship. Balls.

Until you've punched a terrorist leader off of the Statue of Liberty, you're not a man.

The Joe's sometimes used animals, and here they thought the mission would be best served with a condor and a big dog. This opening is epic. 

Adding insult to injury, the dog and condor are just a  distraction so he could get knocked out by a girl.

Shipwreck!

And finally, victory and an image that would be on posters around the country if this had actually happened. Yo Joe! 

And since I think the AMAZING song does a lot for it, here's the entire video for your viewing pleasure.

Other Milf

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Hannah Montana: The Movie Review pt. 2

Miley is back at her grandmother's house, a woman she hasn't visited in years. "She" gives grandma an Elvis plate to go on her wall of celebrity hicks.

What follows is actually some classic slapstick fun, with the plates falling and Billy Ray Cyrus' mad dash to save them. I was genuinely impressed with it, and it ends perfectly. Its not the smartest humour, but it is rather timeless. Rascal Flatts is friends with Miley's grandma, playing... a band that sings like Rascal Flatts. I actually saw them in concert, along with the gorgeous Taylor Swift, who makes a cameo later. While this is going on Miley and her grandma chat, and the next day she tries to pretend everything good and she's happy with her Miley life. Some farming related pratfalls and Billy Ray Cyrus has another funny line. He's the real secret super-star here. He goes out to work on the truck, and finds Jan from the Office welding...something under the hood. My buddy watching, who's a bit of an automotive aficionado, started to rant and think up reasons for it, but was mostly exasperated. then its a nonsense scene, where Jackson is working at an animal show, and gets is butt bitten off. Its a harmless, fun diversion.

Miley and her grandma get into a confrontation - as much as exists in this universe - and then there's hijinks with the paparatzzo chap thats followed her to town. He ends up being diverted to the middle of nowhere, where he prepares to kill a Predator.

Travis catches Miley singing, says her music has no soul or personality, they bond over building a chicken coup, and then its time for a fundraiser to sound town. Miley's dad sings, and then Taylor Swift is here. When I saw her in concert she gave me the eye, totally true story. Still, its no use, even after Miley sings, the town doesn't have enough money and the corporate goons are going to take over. Then Travis says Miley could get her friend Hannah Montana to come help. I suspect tomfoolery next time in the conclusion!!

Hannah Montana: The Movie Review pt. 1

I don't know much about Hannah Montana, or Miley Cyrus in general. I know she's very popular with young girls, and that if you're old enough to be reading this blog then you're probably to old to be looking down her blouse hoping for a nipple slip. 

What did I just say to you, perv??

It starts off with a concert starring Hannah, Miley's super-secret alter-ego. As a fan of comic books I enjoy this ridiculous pretense, because it gives me the chance to geek out. When one girl I was watching this with foolishly made the mistake of saying it was like Superman just being Clark Kent without glasses, I got to explain at her (not to, she didn't deserve that) that Clark is always about two inches shorter the Superman due to his posture, his voice is different, and there's a long history of Clark being photographed with Superman. Stupid girls don't know anything about comics!  

As the film continues, we see the less popular Miley, engaging in high school girl tomfoolery like being bad at sports and making promises she can't keep. Vanessa Williams is her publicist, and she pulls her out of school to go shopping. And wow, Vanessa's age has finally caught up to her. I'd still fuck her - cause she's black - but she's nowhere near peaking. Her job seems to be to turn Hannah into a bitch, because she has her blowing off her friends to go get in catfights with Tyra Banks. Not that I'm against that - cause she's black. 

She also misses her brother Jackson leaving for college; which is a real shame because Jackson is a link in the tradition of awesome big brothers from Disney Channel, like Even Steven's Donnie and Justin Russo from The Wizards of Waverly Place. I'm introduced to Jackson as a loud hick who falls out of a truck window, and thats all I need to be a fan. 

Miley is running late for her friend Lilly's 16th birthday party, when she realizes she's being stalked by a paparazzo. In a poor choice of choosing, she chooses to crash the party as Hannah, keeping her identity but upstaging her friend. Also this haircut is there, and he blows up a cake. 

Lilly is pretty pissed, and says something to the paparazzo about where she was really from. Thats cold. Billy Ray Cyrus is here, and he's actually the second best character in the movie. He's a fairly regular dad, but a bit of a straight man and it works with things being kind of goofy elsewhere. Plus the guy gets way to much chit over 'Achy Breaky Heart', when any real music fan knows 'Coulda Been Me' was the best song on that cassette. He lays down some law, and when Miley acts like a bitch he tricks her into going to Tennessee instead of going to NY for an award show. 

She of course is not pleased, ect ect until she meets semi-hunk Travis Brody, who's got a nice midwest charm but a seemingly under-developed body. I'm not hating, he just seems to skinny for his frame and voice, and if he bulked up it couldn't hurt him in any way. 

He insults her a little, then implies she's "gone California". Its nice the way places hate other places for no good reason. Fuck New York. I'm going to leave of here for now, but when we pick up Miley tries to go native, some dumb chick welds an engine, and Jackson gets eaten by an alligator. Until then! 

"My Ring's Outside"

I have to admit; Rocky V is awesome. I really, really enjoyed it. A buddy of mine and me sat down and screened all the Rocky flicks, and we were dreading V, which even Sly hates. But it really isn't that bad. Nothing perfect, but I had a good time. Of course, the best part is tommy confronting Rocky right after his championship win, where the crowd in Philly doesn't care and still loves their former hero. It leads to a street fight, which gets kicked off when Tommy punches Paulie. For those keeping count, Paulie has now picked  a fight with THREE world champions (also Rocky and Creed in part III).

I can't find the whole fight in english, but the above clip did have the  best line of the fight  - the second best being the line in the title. I think rocky V is unfairly dismissed, and if Rocky Balboa wasn't ever made I still would have been happy with it as an ending. 

Allosaurus is a dick

Seriously, in The Lost world (1925) all he does is show up and try to fight EVERYTHING. Such a douche. 

I saw Predators

It was okay. Nothing special, and I like any movie that has foreman in it. The original movie is still the best of the bunch, and rewatching that made me think of the awesomely inappropriate for children toy line. This is one I had, Spiked Tail Predator:

On the box, is that 4 and up? Awesome for a rated R movie character. Random childhood memory; ever play Predator with your friends? Me and my cousins did, terrible boring game where the soldiers die fucking instantly while who evers the Pred just claims to be fine.

Lotioning...oiling. Oiling...lotioning. Smiling...smiling...

"I CAN'T TAKE THIS NO MORE!!"

Grizzly

Here's a short recap of the bear-attack movie Grizzly, made up from memories of  the time me and Matt watched it like a year ago while eating some crappy pizza.

Grizzly is the story of a bear thats really big. He kills a lot of women in the beginning of the movie, and I can;t remember if its because he hates lesbians or something. I know we were talking about lesbians but I don't recall how much of that was in the movie. I'm like 25% sure no one believes the sheriff that a bear was doing the killings, because it would be weird for a bear to be in the woods. One guy shoots at the bear and it dodges, then pushes over one of those giant ranger towers because if he can't eat the guy he can at least make him fall to his death. and then maybe he eats him. I just know he hates women. There's one dude who gets knocked out and the bear buries him to eat him, then he wakes up and gets out of the whole and the bear may or may not have been there. Also a guy in a helicopter. The bear is killed with a missile or something, and there's a big explosion. It's a pretty okay movie.

Marty should have parked his mom

Its the 25th anniversary of Back to the Future today, and I'm going to celebrate by watching it. But before I do, I want to clear something up; if Marty had sex with his mom, it would have made a divergent timeline and in that one she wouldn't have ever been his mom (I assume once she had Marty dick she's never bother with George again - once you go son, nothings ever as fun). So the original timeline may be a bit crazy, but technically this is just some random girl and Marty was dumb to pass up her banging 50's body.